10 Things Every Christian Man Should Look For In A Woman

WHAT SHOULD A CHRISTIAN MAN SEEK IN A WOMAN?

In my quest for a wife, with emphasis to find the right woman according to God's Will for me, I have prayed, attended several Christian Singles' seminars, listened to countless messages, and talked with many seniors (both Spirit-filled and the plain religious) who have been happily married for upwards of 10-30 years and still counting. And I have found one constant - none concentrated on beauty only.

In all my quest, I am constantly reminded of Proverbs 31:30 - Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Time and time again, I am reminded of that simple, factual truth that we have a really hard time accepting - beauty is fleeting and can be deceptive. It is hard to accept for a young man because most young men want 'shining' damsels for a wife.

I have found out that although it is important that a man should cherish his wife, that he should look at her and see her as an incredible 'gift', it is equally important that he should love her sacrificially - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25), and treat her with respect - Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7).

Beyond her beauty, a woman of “noble character” or “priceless character” (depending on your Bible version) as described in Proverbs 31, will hold you spell-bound long after her physical beauty loses its appeal. Pastor Jonathan of Watermark Community Church says this of his wife, Monica:

Monica is the standard of beauty to me. She has become even more beautiful than when I first met her. However, when we’re staying up all night with sick kids, getting thrown up on, and being on mission in an increasingly hostile world, her “good looks” are her least important qualities.

In the end, it is wise (and indeed Christians are as wise as the Spirit of Christ in them) to want to look for a wife who is “noble” and “priceless”, and who is the prize the Scripture defines. Let us now look at how to find the right woman for a man by studying important Scriptural qualities every Christian man must look out for in a woman to marry.

10 Things a Man Should Look For (And a Woman Should Be)

The kind of woman you, as a Christian man, should want to marry ought to be a girl who is:

1). Trustworthy

Is she dependable? Can you trust her? Can you be confident she is going to do what she commits to do? In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything (1 Timothy 3:11)

2). Modest

Fear of God means being more concerned about what He thinks and says than what people think or say. A God-fearing woman understands her beauty is from the inside. Out of reverence for God, and love for her fellow man, she dresses modestly rather than show extra skin to get attention from (the wrong kind of) men. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes (1 Peter 3:3)

3). Peaceful

A peaceful woman is not about drama, or picking fights, but about pursuing and preserving unity. A woman who fears God preserves unity to maintain peace always. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:4)

4). Diligent

That is actually what much of Proverbs 31 is about: being a hard worker and taking care of what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night (Proverbs 31:13-18)

5). Compassionate

Does she care for those in need? Does she have a heart for the less-privileged around her? Does she support you when you are moved to share with the poor? She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy (Proverbs 31:20)

6). Respectful

It has been said that whereas women need love, men need respect. A woman of true respect will not only be respectful to you, she will equally show respect to those around her. This is displayed in the way she talks to and about others. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33)

7). Submissive to authority

In today's world where there's much talk about equal partnerships, some women, and unfortunately Christian women, get upset with submitting to male authority. This is unfortunate because Scripture is clear about this, just as it tells men to show sacrificial love in their authority. True women have no issues about this (note that men are also to submit to certain authority, see #1 on the list of things to look for in a man.) Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, (1 Peter 3:1)

8). Responsible

Does she plan ahead? Does she handle resources wisely? This idea is all throughout Scripture referring to a wife from The Lord. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet (Proverbs 31:21)

9). Wise

Wisdom is simply putting the knowledge you have to work, or sharing it in such a way to achieve a good end. Having knowledge without using or sharing it is very 'unwise'. A wise person makes good decisions and gives good instruction. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue (Proverbs 31:26)

10). Committed to Christ

Christ should be the focus of her life. This means yielding to His Word, being prayerful, being committed to a body of believers, and living a life filled with the fruit of the Holy Spirit. If this is there, #1-9 will be there, too. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-25)

In conclusion

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) That’s a trophy wife. That’s the true prize. “Give her the reward she has earned.” (Proverbs 31:31a). At this point, it is good to note there is no perfect woman, however, there are women committed to and striving to be Christlike (see #10 above). This is the kind of woman I have set my sight on to find.

Lastly, single men, if you are pursuing God yourself and are ready for marriage, find the most godly woman you know and ask her out. Single girls, if a godly man asks you out and you are open to dating, say yes. If you say no, be honest as to why. Men, be intentional; women, be honest. If you are walking closely with Jesus and dating a girl you can cherish who exemplifies the above qualities, then “put a ring on it.”

Also read: 10 Things Every Christian Woman Should Seek In A Man

All Bible quotations in this article have been taken from the New International Version® (NIV®)